


Haven

by Serenade



Category: Seafort Saga - David Feintuch
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Extra Treat, Guilt over Other Character's Sacrifice, Hiding Injury To Keep Other Character From Going Ballistic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 18:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18879094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenade/pseuds/Serenade
Summary: Tolliver needs just one thing from Nick.





	Haven

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kangeiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangeiko/gifts).



TOLLIVER

Being hijacked by pirates was not something that happened much anymore. I had fought them in my early years in the UN Navy, but their numbers were dwindling. They mostly preyed on commercial shipping: small merchants, with little security, who would put up no resistance. Attacking a cruise liner was sheer folly. The emergency beacon would automatically send a distress signal, and the insurance companies could afford rescuers that were heavily armed.

Red lights flashed throughout the ship. The pirates had a limited window of time before help arrived. They spent it shaking down the passengers for valuables. I carried no gold or jewels or piles of currency. But my identification papers listed me as working for the SecGen.

The leader of the pirates pushed the caller at me. "Go on. Get him on his private line. Help us out with some cash, and we can go away friends."

Nick would explode with rage. Maybe even let slip about our relationship. The scandal would be enormous, the harm to his reputation irreparable. Only my silence could save him.

"Not a talker, huh? How about a bit of incentive?"

I went cold when I saw what he pulled out.

A whip.

I had loathed being caned for discipline as a cadet. I had been willing to face court martial rather than endure it as a middy. I had sworn I would die rather than be struck again.

Slowly and deliberately, I turned my head away from my captor. He snorted in derision. Rough hands stripped the shirt off my back. I closed my eyes, bracing myself.

I wish I could say the anticipation was worse than the reality.

***

NICK

When Tolliver came back from the hijacked ship, he returned to duty without fanfare. He answered all questions with the same response. "It was over quickly."

But he avoided my company and avoided my eye. It was like we had returned to square one. He was distant and polite. That was terribly wrong. He was never polite. He told me what he thought and showed me how he felt. An honest man in a nest of serpents.

At least, I had always thought he was honest with me.

On the third day, I called Tolliver into my office. "How long did you think you could keep this hidden from me?" I showed him the report on my desk. "One of the witnesses said the pirates dragged you off for interrogation."

"That's none of your business. Sir."

It was the "sir" that hit me in the gut. Throwing formality between us like a wall. I flicked through the other reports. "You didn't attend your psych eval. You didn't even attend your med eval. Have you seen a doctor at all since you came back?"

"The Navy doesn't own me."

"There are procedures before you return to duty. You knowingly evaded--"

"Fine. Do you want my resignation?"

"Hell, no!" The blasphemy burst from me unbidden and shocked us both. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Then leave it alone." Tolliver turned to walk away.

"We're not done discussing this--" I grabbed for his shoulder.

He flinched and cried out, hunching over himself. Dark stains seeped through his shirt, in the shape of long thin lines. I recognised them, sick to the stomach. "Let me see."

"No." He tore himself away, but I did not release my hold in time. The fabric ripped, exposing his bare back with its angry scars.

I stared in horror. He flushed with anger and mortification. "Are you happy?"

In a hoarse voice, I said, "They did that to you? I'll kill them."

"Why do you think I didn't want to say anything? You'd go rampaging down the warpath. They're in custody awaiting trial. They'll be executed for piracy. It's done. I don't need to relive it through your eyes for the next twenty years."

Numbly, I said, "I'm just trying to help."

"Sometimes you can't fix things. Sometimes it's not your problem to fix." Tolliver gathered the remnants of his shirt around him. He said, bitterly, "So much for exiting with dignity."

I could not fault him. I had failed him. As a commander. As a friend.

As he left, Tolliver said, "Do you ever think that vengeance isn't what I want from you?"

***

TOLLIVER

I lay in bed all through the long night, too many thoughts crowding my mind. Sleep never came. Dawn eventually did.

Footsteps came up to the door of my apartment. I sighed. I could think of only one person who might call at this hour. Someone too bullheaded to accept defeat. Someone who would probably bang on the door until I answered, disturbing all my neighbours and making sleep impossible.

I yanked open the door. "What do you want?"

Nick was bent over the doormat, a cardboard box in his hands. He froze.

"I was just going to leave this here," he said. He straightened up. We stood staring at each other awkwardly.

"Give it here," I said, tiredly. I wondered if he had packed up my desk for me, but the box was lighter than I expected. I opened the lid and poked at the contents. My eyes widened.

He had brought a collection of healing salves, an approval for an extended leave of absence, and a list of medical referrals. "In case you wanted to see someone outside the Navy. They're all highly recommended and very discreet."

A lump rose in my throat. He had listened to me. He had thought it through. "Come on in."

I made tea. Nick watched my stiff movements without comment, but concern flickered in his eyes. We sat down on my couch, side by side.

"I didn't know," he said quietly. "You went through all that and I didn't know. You shouldn't have had to suffer alone. I should have been there."

"And done what?" I said tersely. "The situation was resolved. No one died."

"But at what cost? I don't want to lose you."

I cradled the teacup in my hands, warming them. "I don't want to compromise you. I don't want to be the reason you commit murder or destroy your career."

Nick stared at me, incredulous. "You think I would choose my career over your life?"

"You're SecGen," I pointed out. "Responsible for a great many lives. It would be disproportionate to risk it all for one man."

"Not if that man is you."

Now it was my turn to stare at him, incredulous.

Stubbornly, Nick went on. "I'm not the only one who pretends he's bulletproof. Who hides himself inside a protective shell. Maybe I'm terrible at helping. But you're terrible at accepting help too."

He was blunt about it, but he had a point. It would be a relief not to have to hold it together in front of him. I sighed, leaning against him. "Well, maybe we can practise together. Help me out of this shirt. Let's see if this healing salve of yours works."


End file.
